Just Another Day at the Office
by athenanoctea
Summary: Sheppard really wasn't all that keen on his death certificate reading: Death by Vines.


**Title: Just Another Day at the Office**

**Author: carpenyx**

**Rating: PG**

**Date: 1/14/2007**

**Characters: Main SGA team with an appearance by Doctor Parrish **

**Spoilers: None but does take place somewhere around season 2 and 3.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own. Just playing in the Pegasus Galaxy with my flyboys. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Summary: **Sheppard really wasn't all that keen on his death certificate reading: "Death by Vines".

**Just Another Day at the Office**

Ronon stifled a yawn as his head jerked up from dozing off. He was propped against a tree stump, pistol in hand.

"Bored much?" Sheppard nudged Ronon who was sitting beside him, his P-90 casually cradled in his arms.

"You could say that," the other man said gruffly.

"I do not think you are the only one," Teyla chimed in from her position on the other side of John. She had her legs crossed and her arms folded as she watched Doctor McKay.

"It wasn't my idea to come here," Rodney said as he looked up from the small monitor in front of him.

"Well, yeah… it kind of was," John pointed out.

"Do you not want to find more ZedPMs? I mean, I can easily pack up _all_ this equipment and we can go home." Rodney shot a glare in the trio's direction.

John waved his hand nonchalantly. "Continue."

"Maybe if you guys actually helped instead of sitting around, this would go much faster."

"I'm good," Ronon replied as he folded him arms over his chest, allowing himself to doze off again.

"Yep, we're good." John cocked a brow, looking at Ronon.

Rodney rolled his eyes, wondering why he even bothered. None of them were ever any help on the less exciting missions. He'd have more fun with Zelenka and that was saying some thing.

Teyla leaned closer to John. "Did you ever notice that he gets this glisten on his forehead when he is concentrating really hard?"

John snickered and turned to look at Teyla.

Rodney shot them another glare.

Both John and Teyla exchanged smirks, trying their best not to laugh.

Ronon grunted in his sleep, causing himself to jerk awake again. "He's glistening," he commented casually – both John and Teyla burst out laughing. Ronon glanced sideways at them, raising a brow.

"Trying to work _here_," Rodney snarled.

"Trying to sleep over here." Ronon smirked at Rodney.

Rodney just looked at Ronon for a moment before going back to studying the readings. He had equipment set up all around them in the small clearing, enabling him to take depth recordings of the underground caverns and energy signatures, hoping to find ZPMs to take back to Atlantis.

It wasn't the most exciting mission, but it had to be done. Several expedition teams had come to this planet, each one getting their own sector to explore and study.

"How much longer, McKay?" John pulled his P-90 closer as if it were sacred to him and perhaps it was just a little; after all, he had named it Lola.

"If you keep interrupting me…"

John grinned.

"Leave him be, Colonel." Teyla looked at John.

"I'm hungry," Ronon interjected.

Rodney sighed in disbelief.

Teyla looked at Ronon and shook her head disapprovingly.

Ronon shrugged and gave her a nonchalant look. "Well, I am."

ooooooo

"Yes!" Rodney jumped to his feet excitedly.

"Huh?" Ronon snapped his head up, looking in McKay's direction.

John looked at Rodney too. "Well?"

"Found them!"

"ZPMs?" John stood, zipping his vest.

Rodney looked at John, dumbfounded. "No elves. Yes, ZedPMs."

"What's his deal with elves lately?" Ronon questioned. He rose, stretching his arms.

"He's been having _Lord of the Rings_ marathons."

Ronon blinked and a confused look passed over his face.

Teyla cocked a brow. "_Lord of the Rings_?"

"Just a movie about elves, hobbits and wizards searching for a ring or something," John said, trying to explain it simply.

"Hobbits?" Ronon gaped openmouthed at John.

"Little people with big feet."

Rodney glared at Sheppard. "Can we please get back to the ZedPMs?"

"Weird culture," Ronon mumbled under his breath.

"Yes, McKay, please continue."

"There's a tunnel that appears to lead to a chamber. I'm getting some seriously strong energy readings from the chamber, which means it could be one of the Ancient outposts we suspected might be here." Rodney hurried to pack up the equipment.

"And how do we get to this chamber?"

"Did you not hear a single word I just said?"

John looked at Rodney, waiting for him to answer his question.

"Tunnel! There's a _tunnel_."

"I got that, but where's the tunnel, Rodney?"

"Well…" Rodney paused his actions and looked at John.

"Well, what?"

"It's underground…"

"Okay. And…?"

"And I'm not exactly sure where, but I have a good idea."

"A good idea?" John asked as he raised one eyebrow skeptically.

"As in an approximate direction." Rodney zipped up his pack and strapped it over his shoulders. He looked over at the trio, all of whom were looking at him expectantly. "Are you just going to stand there or are you coming?"

ooooooo

As they trekked through the dense forest, Rodney struggled with his pack and also with his breathing; he was huffing and puffing as he went. "How much longer?" he muttered under his breath.

John glanced at Rodney, who was walking ahead of him. "You're the one leading us," he pointed out.

"Right." He took a deep breath.

After a few more minutes of walking they reached another opening in the trees and Rodney suddenly stopped. "Here. We're here," he told them as he looked at Sheppard.

John looked around, uncertain of what Rodney was referring to. All he saw was a small clearing and trees…. and well, more trees. There was no opening to a tunnel.

"I think those hobbits got to him," Ronon commented as he crossed his arms.

"I'm definitely getting high energy readings. This should be the place."

"Where's the entrance?"

"It should be here."

John gestured to Teyla to join him and they moved in unison, making a small perimeter. Neither one was able to find any evidence of an entryway.

At least that was the case until the ground below their feet caved in. John reached out for Teyla, grabbing hold of her vest as the ground gave way beneath them, sending both of them plummeting down at least a couple of meters. Their fall was broken by something that prevented both of them from falling further down the shaft.

"Sheppard!" Ronon shouted as he moved to the edge of the well type structure and looked down into the darkness.

Teyla squirmed against the support beneath her and flicked the light on her P-90 on. She shone the light around her, surveying the situation. What was supporting them caused her eyes to widen – vines, a web of vines had saved them.

"We're okay!" Sheppard yelled back up to Ronon.

"We're okay, right?" He looked over at Teyla, catching the look on her face.

She looked at him and shook her head. "I do not think so." As the words left her, some of the vines snaked up, wrapping around both of them.

John's eyes widened in shock. "Rodney!"

"What? What?" He poked his head over the edge of the shaft.

"Did any of your research bring up any thing about attacking _vines_?!"

"Attacking vines?" Rodney looked at Ronon in confusion.

Ronon shrugged as he whipped out his pistol and aimed it at one of the vines supporting John and Teyla. He wasted little time in squeezing the trigger and sending an energy blast at the plant.

"Whoa!" Sheppard looked up towards the top of the well. The vines had tightened their grip upon receiving the energy blast. "Can you _not_ do that again?"

Ronon shrugged. "I got nothing."

"Rodney, get us out of here! Now!" John bellowed from below.

"I'm not a botany expert," Rodney commented. "I don't know what you expect _me_ to do."

"Rodney!"

"Fine, I'll go get help." Rodney straightened up and looked at Ronon. "Think you can handle babysitting while I go find a botany expert?"

Ronon glared at Rodney.

"Yes, yes… going now."

ooooooo

Both John and Teyla had concluded that the vines reacted to movement and threatening circumstances. Either way, both of them remained as still as possible.

"Nice first date, huh?" John looked over at Teyla, grinning slightly. He tried to make light of the circumstance, but if the truth were known, he was kind of unsettled.

He hadn't really thought that his death certificate would read: _Death by vines_. When he told Teyla, she offered a smile, but he could tell she was just as unnerved by their situation.

"Yes, lovely first date." Teyla tried to remain calm and relaxed. She appreciated the slight distraction John provided considering their current dilemma.

John sighed, looking around the dark and musty shaft. It was damp and the odor wasn't the most pleasant smell he'd ever encountered. There was a breeze coming from below, making it quite chilly. The sight above wasn't very promising either; the sky was darkening which meant the loss of light.

John looked at Teyla. "You all right?" He asked with a hint of concern in his tone.

Teyla nodded cautiously, trying to make as little movement as possible. "It is a little tight, but I am okay."

"Hang in there." John scrunched his face at the unintentional pun.

ooooooo

"Over there!" Rodney pointed in the direction of the well. Hurriedly, he made his way over, following behind Doctor Parrish, the botanist. "Sheppard!" he yelled down to the Colonel. "Brought you that botany expert."

Ronon rolled his eyes.

"It's about time," John replied from the depths of the shaft.

"He makes it sound like I purposely wanted this to happen." Rodney shook his head as he moved over to stand opposite Ronon.

Doctor Parrish peered over the edge, shining his flashlight down on Colonel Sheppard and his companion. He cringed slightly at the sight of both of them restrained and bound together by thick tentacles of vines. "That's not good."

"Think so?" Rodney snorted.

"I don't know what you expect me to do." Parrish looked over at Rodney. "Do you know how many different species of plant life there are? Without knowing the principle properties of this specific vine it's almost impossible to find a solution," Parrish explained to Rodney.

"Rodney!" John bellowed.

ooooooo

The sound of his voice echoing throughout the confines of the cavern sent vibrations that agitated the vines. They wound around John and Teyla, biding them even more.

"John…" Teyla gasped as she felt the vines wrapping around her, pinching her and squeezing tightly.

John clenched his teeth as the vines maneuvered around him too. He turned his head to look at Teyla and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"I know," she replied softly. Teyla closed her eyes and proceeded to relax her body through breathing exercises, letting the surge of discomfort and pain settle with each passing breath.

ooooooo

"I need a sample of the vine. That's the only way I can figure out a way to get them out of there without killing them." Parrish rose to his feet as he looked over at the other two men.

"And how do you suppose we do that?" Rodney sighed.

"Chop a piece off?" Ronon suggested.

"It'd just react to any threatening situation," Parrish explained.

Ronon shook his head, uncertain of what the man wanted them to do.

"We could find another location where these vines flourish."

"Flourish? Good grief." Rodney pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I don't see another way, Doctor McKay. We might as well make them as comfortable as possible and lower down some food and water. It may be a while."

Ronon looked at Parrish, his lip curling slightly in annoyance.

Rodney walked over to the well and peered down. "We're on it, it might be … a while."

"Just hurry," John replied.

ooooooo

"I can't just sit here."

"What can we do?" Teyla looked over at John.

"See that ledge up there?" John looked in the direction of what appeared to some sort of stone ledge protruding from the side of the shaft.

"Yes."

"I could reach it…"

"How?" Teyla questioned as she looked from John to the ledge.

"There's an army knife in my back pocket," he explained as he looked over at Teyla then down to her hand.

"John…"

"If you can get your hand on the knife…"

Teyla was doubtful the plan would work. If they even attempted to harm the plant, it would just retaliate against their efforts.

"If we work slowly, we might be able to pull it off."

After considering what little options they had, she closed her eyes and focused on regulating her breathing. Teyla slowly twisted her hand, pausing every so often to ensure the vines were not reacting to her slight movements. Once she had her hand free, she slipped it behind John.

"Careful…" John kept his eyes locked on her.

Teyla opened her eyes, meeting his gaze and nodding slowly. She kept her hand steady and her movements slow as she slid her fingers into his back pocket. Inching further and further inside, her fingertips met the cold metal handle of the knife. "I feel it."

"Slow…" he urged her supportively.

Teyla bit her lower lip and concentrated on keeping her hand steady as her fingers slid further in, wrapping securely around the pocketknife. "I have it," she told him as she grasped the knife in her hand firmly. With care, she removed the knife from his pocket and placed it in John's hand.

"Now the hard part," he commented before taking a deep breath and looking for a good starting point; there really wasn't one.

"I am not sure this is a good idea," she said quietly.

"Neither am I," he admitted.

ooooooo

Ronon, who was keeping guard, stood near the shaft and scanned the surrounding area. It had been at least a couple of hours since McKay and Parrish went in search of more of that plant.

Waiting was making him agitated. He hated not being able to do something about the situation.

Suddenly he heard a bone-chilling scream come from the shaft. It was undoubtedly Teyla and Ronon lept to his feet and looked down into the depths of the shaft.

"Teyla?" he shouted down to her.

Another scream echoed, this time it was John. "Teyla!"

Ronon hurried to find a flashlight in one of the packs and once he did, he rushed over to the shaft again. "Sheppard?"

He shone the light down on both Sheppard and Teyla. The vines had entrapped Teyla even more, completely wrapping around her mid-section, chest, and legs. She was breathing heavily, her chest heaving with each breath she managed. John was dangling from a stone ledge and barely evading the threatening tentacles of the vines.

ooooooo

"Teyla?" John looked down at her as more vines twisted around her body.

"I," she gasped for breath as the vines covered and wrapped even tighter. "John…"

"Hold on, I'm coming!"

"No…" she managed, shaking her head.

"Teyla."

"I… am… okay. Don't… move…" she said in between gasps of air. It took her a few moments to get her bearings again. She forced herself to focus on her breathing exercises – she needed to relax.

"Ronon, I need rope!" Sheppard barked, looking up towards the top of the shaft. He wasn't about to let Teyla stay here any longer.

When the rope lowered, John grabbed the end of it and fastened it around his waist. He tugged on the rope to make sure the knot was tight and snug. He looked up towards to Ronon. "Lower me, _very_ slowly."

John exhaled, closing his eyes briefly as he released his hands from the stone ledge – he was now dangling in midair. The rope lowered inch by inch, bringing John closer to Teyla. "I'm going to cut you loose. When I do, grab on to me as fast as you can."

Teyla nodded slowly.

"Ronon, be ready to pull us up."

"Trust me?" John asked quietly.

"No," she replied with a slight smile on her face.

John looked at her as he reached out and pressed the blade against one of the vines. He moved quickly and efficiently, but each time he cut a vine another would attempt to replace it. Teyla was beginning to find it more difficult to remain calm, but as soon as John managed to cut the main vines, she wrapped her arms around him and Ronon hoisted them up.

Once they reached the top of the shaft, Ronon slipped his hands under their arms and aided them onto solid ground, one by one.

John collapsed onto the ground, lying on his back beside Teyla. "You okay?"

"I will be," she said softly as she looked at John.

Both exchanged smiles as they lay there on the ground for a while. Neither had been severely injured; they were just damp, cold, and tired.

John grumbled. "What's taking McKay so long?"

"We could radio him," Teyla suggested.

"Tried." Ronon lifted Rodney's radio. "He forgot it."

ooooooo

Rodney and Parrish showed up about an hour later declaring they had figured out how to release the Colonel and Teyla. When Rodney caught sight of both of them standing around as if nothing happened, he stopped mid-stride. "But how? What?"

"Took you long enough," John said as he looked over at Rodney with a grin. He grabbed his pack, gesturing to the others that it was time to head back to the Gate.

"What?" Rodney watched as the trio walked past him. He stood there in bewilderment – no one offered an explanation. After they disappeared down the path, it took him a minute or two to snap out of it. "Hey guys! Wait up!"


End file.
